My sister lived with me last week while the hubs was out of town. And though Brian was quite dearly missed, what a grand week of sisterly things it was! Filled with late night chats, thrifting adventures, seriously good food and drink, more episodes of Friends than I even care to count, and general overall goofiness. Plus Paisley was thrilled to have someone besides her mom to play with and wrangle into her pj's at night.
And then...there was also the bug incident. Hannah and I don't have very good records when it comes to dealing with large insects showing up in places where they shouldn't be (when I come across large insects outside it doesn't bother me...that's their natural habitat! but an overly large bug IN MY HOUSE is VERY disturbing and a call for extreme action) and so the two of us together against an enormous, seriously hairy looking centipede-like beast was recipe for disaster.
I'll set the scene. We were downstairs in the family room binging on Friends when I happened to glance up at the ceiling above our heads and see it.
"NO!" I shouted. "NO, NO NO!"
Hannah was confused by my shouting until she also looked up to where I was pointing, which was when she became equally concerned.
"OH MY GOSH!!!" She shouted. "IT'S SO BIG!!!"
We considered the option of trying to ignore it and get on with our night but...it was obvious that this guy was absolutely too horrifying to just leave there.
So. I brought in a chair to stand on and grabbed a wad of paper towels which was to be my squishing method of choice. But the closer I got to the beast the more petrified I became and the more intense the spine shivers quaked. It was SO BIG! And SO DISGUSTING! After much shouting and whining I climbed back down on the couch in defeat.
What could we do? The obvious answer was to find a manly man who enjoyed killing bugs with tissue and then opening it up to look at the squishy remains. I was seriously lamenting the fact that the hubs was out of town at this point since he is an expert bug killer (much to my joy and a relief) and also prefers to look at the smashed bug carcass (much to my chagrin). So since he was out of the picture I texted our brother in hopes that he would love us enough to drive the half hour at midnight to take care of our insect problem.
He said no. But was sympathetic to our situation.
That is until I sent him a picture of what we were dealing with.
"You mean the blurry little dot?" He wrote.
Well of course it was going to LOOK little in a PHONE PICTURE, I couldn't very well get close enough to show it's ACTUAL size!
"Horror!" I wrote back.
He didn't answer.
So. Hannah and I reassessed our situation and decided that we would get one of the hubs' heavy shoes from upstairs with which to smash the bug while standing on a chair. And we also put duck tape on the shoe so that the bug would stick to the shoe and not fall down on one of us.
Horror!
We sat on the couch discussing our plan, all the while eyeing the creature above our heads.
"Right. So all you have to do is stand on the chair and smack it with one swift motion."
"Yes. That's all you have to do! One swift motion!"
"Yes. All YOU have to do is get it with one swift motion."
"Yes that's all YOU have to do."
"FINE!" I shouted, figuring that since it's my house it would be rude to make the guest kill the bug (dumb rule though) and somehow my jittery legs made it to the chair. I climbed up, the beast growing larger by the second. "C'MON! DO IT!" I shouted to myself. Hannah cheered me on too.
This went on for a short amount of time while I believe I was also shouting "NO! NO! NO!" when suddenly, with one swift motion, I smacked it.
And it fell down to the ground.
And we both screamed. At the top of our lungs. Simultaneously.
Then! I pounced on the wriggling beast with a huge wad of paper towel (so that I would block my fingers from feeling any potential crunches) and with much spine shivers and shrieking got the wad of paper towels to the garbage.
Luckily my dearest, sweetest baby girl, who was just several feet above our heads in her bedroom upstairs, kept sleeping despite all the (quite loud) racket.
She's a heavy sleeper, that Paisley!
Maybe the hubs will train her in the ways of humungous bug squashing so that the next time this happens and he's out of town, I will be covered.
Well then Hannah, yet another sisterly adventure behind us.
"Yous twos. What a couple of goofs." Is what our dad would say.
Hashtag: sisterlove.
I haaaaate centipedes. That's obviously a man-job in my house, but once upon a time the husband was gone when I came in contact with a ridiculously large centipede and I had to kill it because omygosh no way was that thing going to continue to live in my house. There was a lot of screaming involved. A lot.
ReplyDeleteAll that to say - you are a brave, brave soul and I hope you celebrated your victory with a large bowl of ice cream.